I'm sitting here putting off writing another paper. I know it is due tomorrow and I know how precise and exacting this instructor is about form and format. Still, I sit and stall. I will do just about anything rather than focus on what I should be doing. (Even blog!) That's what has caused the thought for today . . . Do Over vs. Start Over.
In 2008 I decided to go back to school to finally finish my college degree. This is something I started nearly 40 years ago. I wish I had just focused then and got it done when I had the chance . . . but I can't go back and do it over . . . so I started over. In some ways it is easier now than it was back then. But in many ways it is much harder.
I do know I am in school now because I want to be . . . not because I didn't know what else to do. I also know I am enjoying the environment as I find myself surrounded by interesting and intelligent adults with a variety of life experiences. This makes the process easier. However, I have kids and a full-time job to keep me busy, not to mention the fact that I don't have the energy to pull all-nighters like I did when I was younger. Still, I stall.
I have been feeling nostalgic these past few weeks looking back over my life and wishing I could go back and do several things over. How differently I would do them knowing what I now know. I would have worked much harder to stay healthy and fit. I would have been more present in every moment with my children. I would have hugged more and harangued less. But, I can't go back and do it over . . . I can only start fresh each day.
So, I guess I'll get busy with writing that paper and tomorrow will be another day to start over. If I view each day as a chance to begin with a clean slate, then perhaps I won't need to waste time on wishing for a do over!